Nonverbal communication: What are you saying without saying a word?

Ralph Waldo Emerson stated "What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say". Our nonverbal behaviors can send strong messages.  Deborah Gruenfeld from the Stanford School of Business indicates that people decide if you are competent in less than a second based upon your body language, and what you say counts for only 7% of the message.

Nonverbal behavior such as nodding, smiling, tilting your head, leaning forward, or saying "uh huh" are intended to encourage the speaker. Women are socially trained to provide a lot of encouragement when others are speaking - more so than men. These behaviors can be helpful communication tools when used appropriately. However, when it comes to providing agreement with the speaker, be sure that you are authentic. Challenge that stereotype that you must defer to others to be liked.

Women also tend to take on less powerful body positions, which not only reduces self-confidence, it also sends a message of being powerless.  Research shows that taking up space can make a significant difference. Power posing helps us to appear and feel more confident. Try it!

Avoiding eye contact and displaying nervous behaviors such as playing with our hair or fidgeting convey lack of credibility. Being still and holding the gaze of others demonstrates confidence.

Studies on body language and micro expressions from the Center for Body Language show that leaders demonstrate fluent nonverbal abilities. Learning to be conscious of what to do and what not to do is key. Once conscious of these behaviors, we can adapt and change to convey messages appropriate for the situation, and also to interpret others more effectively to allow for adjustment.

Becoming fluent in nonverbal communication allows consistency between what we say and what we do.  Sometimes the skills that we have learned over a lifetime don't suit the situations that we are in, and we need to expand our nonverbal skills. Sometimes we need to display authority, and sometimes we need to demonstrate that we are approachable. We can make ourselves feel more comfortable, and help others to feel more comfortable around us. That is essential for the real and confident you.