Communication and Gender

There is a rumor going on out there that women talk more than men. It's not true. To the contrary, research shows that men and women use almost the same number of words per day. However, there are masculine and feminine styles of communicating. Let's talk about the differences.

Feminine speech tends to emphasize rapport and relationships. The goal is to share power evenly, and invite collaboration. Alternatively, masculine speech styles tend to make more confident statements with an authoritative and powerful air.

One of the most important things that girls women can do to boost their confidence level is to communicate with genuine confidence.  It seems backwards, but when we assume that we need to feel confident to act confident, we miss out on opportunities to grow. Jennifer Allyn gives some excellent advice on behaving in ways that actually boost your confidence little by little over time. She asserts that confidence is built from the outside in, and is something that we have control over. Most importantly, she notes that it all starts with how we communicate.

One of the ways that women diminish their confidence is by hedging their statements or adding disclaimers. We use words like "just", "I think", "sort of", etc., and we add questions to the end of our statements such as "Do you know what I mean?". We do this to appear humble and avoid sounding boastful. But the unintended consequence is that we diminish our credibility and damage our own confidence levels. Dr. Pat Heim is an expert on gender differences in the workplace, and she describes the feminine communication style as lacking in power, and filled with apologies.

Unfortunately, research shows that women face a double bind due to gender stereotypes. When they use masculine speech styles, they may be seen as non-confirming to their gender role and judged negatively.

The good news is that a Stanford study found that when women learn to balance masculine and feminine communication styles depending upon the situation, they were more successful. In fact, women with the ability to speak confidently - using both masculine and feminine speech traits - were found to have an advantage over men in the workplace. This is really encouraging, because it indicates that learning to behave confidently and gaining communication skills is more important than gender.

So be brave and work on building your confidence little by little. Learn about the anxiety that you feel when you communicate. If you are an introverted person, educate yourself on the value that you bring to the table, and know that you don't need to change how you feel to speak up. You just need to be bold and find moments to act confidently so that others can see the real you.